Sex and the City (of God)
Recently a college student posed these questions that classmates
asked her when she revealed her Catholic faith in a comparative religion
course. The author suspects that others
may have these questions as well, so he presents his answers for the online
reader’s consideration.
1. Why can't priests and
nuns have sex?
For the same reason that any unmarried people
"can't" have sex. Sexual intercourse and any related
behaviors are the privilege of a man and a woman who have committed themselves
for life in the sacrament of Matrimony. Priests and nuns do not commit
themselves to another person in that sacrament. So, the question may be
put more accurately, "Why can't
priests and nuns marry?" That has to do with the ancient
tradition of celibacy (meaning non-marriage) that consecrated women and men
(nuns, sisters, brothers in religious orders) observe. In the early
centuries of Christianity, people would live apart from the world to engage in
a deeper relationship with God. They chose not to be married in order to
express that commitment more totally, in imitation of the unmarried
Christ. (In many cases, people who already were married chose to stop
engaging in marital intercourse as a couple for spiritual reasons. That
may understandably be viewed as strange; after all, wouldn't that be their
right as married persons? Yes, but they chose that in order to consecrate
themselves more completely to God, not necessarily as a rejection of the good
of marriage.)
Bishops and priests were allowed to marry; one Gospel reading spoke of Jesus
healing Peter's mother-in-law. In the Eastern Churches, the tradition of
allowing priests to marry has endured to the present day. In the
Priestly celibacy is a discipline that can
change--it is not divine law—but it has become rather entrenched in the Latin
Rite. It has its many supporters and opponents. If it were lifted
tomorrow, priests already ordained could not seek wives, but candidates would
be permitted to seek marriage. That is already the case for the Orthodox;
most of them are married anyhow. Orthodox Bishops are chosen from among
their unmarried priests.
2. What would happen if it was found out that
they did have sex?
This
would be a sin for any unmarried person, as I noted above, but it poses
special difficulty for priests and nuns, because they have made a public
profession of celibacy (non-marriage) and chastity (no sex for the
unmarried). It causes scandal among the faithful because they recognize
it as a violation of the unique calling that priests and nuns have
undertaken. It is just as unacceptable as adultery.
Now people no longer place priests and nuns on a high pedestal, as if to render
them immune from weakness and wrongdoing. This is good because priests
and nuns are human, but we don't want to downplay the importance of commitment,
here the sacred pledge to remain unmarried for the sake of the
Unfaithful priests and nuns could be subject to dismissal from their duties,
and perhaps even from the clerical or religious "state," but this
would be determined individually with the priest's bishop (pending the Pope's
approval) or the nun's religious superior. In certain cases, however, the
bishop or superior may not resort to immediate dismissal or return to the lay
state. The priest or nun may be required to undergo psychological and
spiritual counseling in order to determine whether departure would be
indicated for him or her, or perhaps rehabilitation to some form of ministry,
even if in a different locale to avoid scandal. The root causes of defection
must always be examined, namely the unfaithful person's sexual appetite and
spiritual/emotional deficit. In many cases such priests or nuns return to
a healthy spiritual life, if not always to active ministry.
I know this because a few seminary contemporaries who were ordained had affairs
with women (married and unmarried). After counseling and spiritual
direction, most of them eventually sought “laicization”—dismissal from the
priesthood and release from the promise of celibacy. The exact reasons
for these decisions I do not know. I'd
speculate that the Church wants people to be faithful to their calling, but
will not force it among those who have expressed strong contrary
desires...especially if the sexual encounters resulted in pregnancy, where now
the care of a child has entered the picture.
People sometimes conclude that the occasional violation of a priest or nun's
sacred promises would all but disappear "if they just allowed them to
marry." Not necessarily so. Unfaithfulness to sacred promises
(whatever form it takes--with women, men, or children) happens among married
people too. Marriage is no cure for sexual problems any more than handing
out bullet-proof vests to criminals might cut down on murders and other
crimes.
A corollary to your second question may take this form: What if they had sex before entering the
seminary/convent? Having had
premarital relations does not automatically prevent a person from being a
candidate for priesthood or consecrated life, but the candidate will want to
speak about such things with a spiritual director or advisor. A sexual history of any sort is worth serious consideration before a candidate presents
himself/herself for the respective vocation.
Candidates should have a healthy sense of their sexuality in light of
the crucial decision on the horizon, namely to be chastely celibate for life. Once again, nobody’s home life or past experiences
need determine their future, but they play a part that, for the sake of the
Church and the individual, cannot be ignored.
Any
further questions, please inform. It's a privilege and a pleasure!